A Butterfly in a Storm

My life has changed a lot in the past few months. My greatest fear was realised. I no longer live with my daughter. This is against my wishes. That is as much as I feel comfortable in sharing.

Eliska continues to be my beloved daughter. She will know the truth when she is older, that I have done the very best for her that I could in the very worst of situations.

I have kept an account of my life intermittently since she was small and I have decided to continue to. This will help me but is also something she can read when she is older and know how very loved and treasured she was and always will be.

When I am feeling unhappy, it helps to write my thoughts down and make sense of them, but I also want to keep alive the place in my heart that brings me joy. A love of the small things, in fleeting moments of joy and the magical that sometimes shines in our humdrum lives, are all seeds I placed in Eliska too. I hope they will give her strength in her life, especially when it seems hard and dark.

I often told Eliska stories and hope to write a book for children, so will also use this space for my ideas and inspiration. Perhaps stories and the gift of imagination are some of the most valuable things you can give to a child.

There are things that we all do when times are hard, that keep us going. Kindness has kept me afloat. It has come from unexpected places at times and I feel very fortunate that I have some good people in my life. I also know that new people and friendships will come into my life.

Making things continues to help me. For a long time I felt unable to sew, but recently I have started to again. I find sewing very therapeutic and calming.

I am still making mice.

I made this Princess Mouse for a lovely girl who named her Nancy and the one below for Eliska.

I have been lucky to join a wonderful group of ladies on a few occasions, where I have painted and sewed and it has helped my soul. I have been inspired by the symbolism of butterflies and what they represent, which to me I suppose is rebirth, change and transformation. I am in the process of transforming myself at the moment and it will be good to read this some time in the future and to see how far I have come. I suppose I am a butterfly in a storm.

Drawing has also helped me. I drew this pic for Eliska recently.

It has also been lovely to just spend my time pootling around Yorkshire again after being away so long. I spent some time in Woodbank Nurseries in Harden recently and loved seeing the displays and beautiful things.

Their displays are very pretty and their Susie Watson pottery is a feast for the eyes.

               Since being back, I have also been delighted to rediscover charity shops. I found the case below in a charity shop and some pretty bone china.

It has also been good to sit in cosy Yorkshire pubs again. My friend took me here for some food and it was lovely.

I also visited the pub below, which was refurbished after the floods last year.

I'm wondering how the tumultuous events of late in my life will affect me. I'm still me but of course this will change me. I am determined that my life will be good, inspite of the things I cannot change. I feel like there has been a strong hand keeping me above the water when I have felt myself sinking. I'm still very soft, girly and whimsical but it isn't weak feyness. There is something enduring, solid and valuable in those feminine qualities.